Hold onto hope, no matter how hard it gets...

by Victoria Andersen

I am writing this with the desire of bringing hope to anyone who needs it.
Everyone who reads the articles on this site, or enters their own story, does so because they are in need of hope desperately... and a shoulder to cry on at times, or someone who understands. I was one of those people, and my story is there: "I left the hospital empty handed" dated 12/20/99.

Date: Sun, 10 Dec 2000

I went through a very rough time after my miscarriage... the self loathing, depression, fear, and self blame that most women who experience miscarriages feel. This site helped me because even if I didn't speak in real time with too many women... I read all the stories, and it gave me some peace of mind to know that there were others who understood the pain I felt, even if we couldn't express it. That peace of mind helped me deal with my friends and family, who although wanted to help, didn't really know how I felt.

A year later, I can never say that I am totally over the miscarriage... and nor do I want to. I never want to forget the little soul that almost became a part of my life, no matter how early the miscarriage was. But I want to let everyone out there who is feeling what I felt, that it will get easier to remember with love, and not with pain. I know for most, that is easier said than done, but I promise you all, someday you will find your peace too.
Reach out to others in sites like this one if online correspondence feels more comfortable to you. Or if need be, seek support in live situations.
But no matter how bad it gets sometimes, never give up hope... and NEVER blame yourself. I did that for a while... and worried over and over that it might happen again. And for some women, it does... but that does not make them less of a woman. And if you face your fears, you might just be! able to help yourself in conjunction with any medical advice.

Now, I am happy to say I am 38 weeks pregnant with a little boy and waiting impatiently for the big day to arrive. I remember I spent the first 5 months in a near panic that I would do something wrong. Even now, I still have periodic bouts of paranoia that my doctor always shoots down thankfully, because every moment of this pregnancy has been like clockwork. And I thank the Gods everyday for that.

I will never forget the miscarriage... and this child will never replace the little one I lost... but now I know the meaning of hope. And I hope that everyone of you out there is blessed with the same experience. I wish everyone the peace they deserve, and beg you to please try to grasp onto the same strand of hope and hold onto the future that waits for you.

Victoria Andersen