Nicholas, my angel

by Mary Kay

Date: Tue, 13 Jul 1999

This is in memory of my son Nicholas Michael. He was born on May 8, 1999 and died the same day. He was actually born dead. After having a very healthy pregnancy with my son, who is now 3 years old, I really didn't have any fears getting pregnant a second time. So I conceived on January 16 of this year, and was ok up until my 10th week. I was diagnosed with the strep virus both in my urine and in the cervix. The doctor prescribed me meds and said things should be ok. I had quite a bit of spotting and cramping and went to the doctor a lot, but they didn't find anything wrong.

Then the day came. I was at work on May 4th and much to my surprise, my water broke. I didn't think anything of it because it was too early. It was only later that evening I called my husband at work and told him that we needed to go to the hospital because I thought my water broke. Sure enough after an exam, they told me it was my water, and I was devastated. They swarmed me with 3 options and told me that the baby wouldn't survive because it didn't have proper lung development. We decided to go ahead and induce and deliver so we could hold the baby and name it. After 37 hours of labor and endless hours of heartache, we delivered a baby boy. Just under 4 ounces and only 9 inches long. I hated giving him up to the nurse to take away and know that he would never come home.

I go to the cemetery often to visit him. I want to have another baby, but I am scared to death. I am now writing to keep his memory alive. I just was interviewed for an article in our local paper, and now I am working on an essay for another local paper. What amazes me the most is how ignorant people are when it comes to pregnancy loss. I am so glad that I found this site on the web so that I can share my feeling with others and get feedback so that one day when I write the book I want to, I have all sorts of people helping me.

Please feel free to send me e-mail at anytime. I would love to chat and get feedback and share my story over and over again. Thank you

Mary Kay, 27 years old