My angel Kaya Jane

by Krysten

Date: Thu, 21 Dec 2000

Last Thanksgiving is when I found out that I was pregnant, I was nineteen at the time. I went through a very difficult pregnancy. I had severe morning sickness that lasted all day long and didn't go away for about a month and a half. On some days I couldn't even keep a single cracker down. My doctor had me drinking Pedialite to keep me from becoming dehydrated or malnutritioned. Once all that went away in January I felt a lot more optimistic about my pregnancy. Things were pretty good too until I was seven months along and then I was injured. This girl that I was working with fell on me and knocked me to the ground. This girl was quite larger than myself, even while I was pregnant I was pretty petite. The way that I fell put quite a strain on me and the next day I went in to see my doctor. They hooked me up to the stress monitors and discovered that I was in the early stages of premature labor. I was put on a medication called Brethine and also put on strict bed rest. This meant that for two months I was not to leave my bed unless absolutely necessary. Well to make that even worse for me it was the middle of summer and I barely even got a chance to see my boyfriend unless he made the time to come see me. Well finally the time came and my premature contractions turned into the real thing. I was in labor for 54 hours! I had never been through so much hell ever. But it was all worth it once I got to meet my sweet little Kaya Jane. Born July 28th she weighed only 5lbs 11oz but she was very healthy. I was in paradise, it's just to bad that it's all been taken away from me. I was never happier than I was for those short 3 1/2 months. But what gets me the most is that I can't understand why? Why did I go through so much during my pregnancy for nothing? I know that she's an angel now, but it is all so hard. It's been just a few days over a month now and it does get a little easier with time but this is something I won't ever be able to accept.

Kaya Jane

(7/28/00-11/18/00)

Sweet little Kaya Jane,

an angel from the start

The first gaze into your eyes

set fire to my heart

Since you came into my arms

I'll never be the same

Who would've ever thought my dreams

would end in so much pain

I hope you know my sweetie girl,

that this was meant to be

You were only here a little while

for you to better me

But oh, how much I miss those nights

that you and I would spend

Your smiles while I'd sing lullabies

I wish would never end

Your giggles and your happy face

each time that we would play

If only that sweet precious face

was meant to always stay

And even when your screams and cries

for hours sometimes heard

If I could listen to them now

I'd not complain a word

I'd take the good, I'd take the bad

I'd do it all again

If only you were here with me

eternity to spend

And now I have to sit and wait

for that special time to come

When I will see my angel girl

and again we will be one

Love always and forever,

Your mommy,

Krysten