Today my son, Nathan, would be 4 years old

by Diana Russell
DJRNRGSAG@cs.com

27 July 1998

Today my son, Nathan, would be 4 years old.

I have been visiting this site for quite a few months now and have posted several messages here. Having read almost every message, I must say that through the tears of both heart break and inspiration all of you have posted, has helped me a great deal.

You see I have just recently realized and faced the fact that I have been depressed all this time. I am now dealing with and facing the loss of my son and learning how to continue my life with out him present to touch and see. It feels strange to say, but I am so thankful to begin to enjoy life again. My only hope is that this message will somehow show others that life does not have to be so painful for as long as I let it be. It is so unfair that all of us have had such a terrible experience. I absolutely hate that there are others out there like me...NO ONE should ever have to experience this pain. Many have plenty of words of advise...some help...some make us angry...some hurt us deeply. Please remember, each one of us has our own way of dealing and accepting this dreadful experience...your spouse...your parents...your children...your own siblings and your friends. We each have to find our own personal way to cope and survive. After four years I am confident that each and every one of us will survive in our own way and time frame.

Those of you who take the time to visit this site and/or go to groups to talk it out, will most definitely get through this much sooner than I have. Believe me it is much healthier to hear, listen and express ourselves to those who truly understand this experience, than to hold it inside for as long as I have.

Good luck to all of us in surviving. My thoughts are always with us all.

HAPPY 4th BIRTHDAY, MY BEAUTIFUL ANGEL!!

Diana Gagneau